Friday, March 7, 2008

i hate you.
i hate you for breaking the clique up;
i hate you for being so selfish;
i hate you for faking to like me;
i hate you for pretending to everyone;
i hate you for rephrasing our conversations so that it makes everyone think i'm at fault;
i hate you for discriminating others;
i hate you for always taking but never giving to others;
i hate you for making me think you're my fren when you're just leeching us out;
i hate you for making me lose all my frens;
i hate you for always trying to make me feel horrible inside;
in short, i really hate you.

i reallyreallyreally have no idea why things must end up like this,
but i can say you're the one and only person i've ever hated in my life so far.
seriously.
just try to think how i would feel.
suddenly,
you turn up and leech youself to the clique,
and start to get rid of me,
cos i can't give you anything you want.
if i had other frens in dunman,
i won't mind,
but i don't.
BUT OTHER THAN THOSE IN THE CLIQUE, I DON'T HAVE OTHER FRENS THAT I CAN TRUST COMPLETELY.
that's why i can't afford to lose them.
it's why i don't want to lose them.
but i lost them.
to you.
and now school has no meaning except for my bleak future.

i don't even want to come to sch anymore,
cos going means i'll see y'all include me out of sympathy.
and i don't like it.
i'd rather you just ignore me,
and let me live my loner life,
rather than pretending to be my fren,
and make me more torn up inside than i already am.

i can see the little looks you give to each other when i'm talking,
i can hear the way you all laugh genuinely when you're with each other,
i know when you all have a secret that doesn't include me.
but i try to ignore them,
because i don't want to break you all up.

i really tried to change myself to not make you dislike me more,
but i have no idea why you just hate me.
the way you ask each other for stuff,
and i end up as the last one to be asked,
i just feel so insignificant...

i know i'm not as smart as y'all,
not as rich as y'all,
not as fit in sports as y'all,
not as popular as y'all,
but i do have feelings.
and you're seriously hurting it.

i'm already trying really hard to forget everything when i'm in sch,
and cry only when i'm at home, in my room,
but sometimes,
i just feel like i could break down.
afterall,
i'm only human.

and now,
i don't know what else to do but leave the clique and forget the love i have for y'all.
sry to those who really care,
but i don't think that i can take this any longer...

&sometimes it hurts so much, i don't feel anything...

what we could have been, 7:50 PM.